Speaking the truth
Sunday November 26, 2006
I am an avid reader of the website and your books and wonder if you would give your opinion on the problem of absent Fathers (or Mothers) and how to explain this to our children. I had an experience which I wondered if you would give your opinion on also. Recently I and my Daughter visited a family member in hospital and my Daughter (aged 8) was told by her Uncle (Fathers brother) that even though her Father wasnt around he really loved her (her Father is not in touch with her by his choice).
After a couple of days I spoke to my Daughter about this as I thought she could have some false ideas about all sorts of things arising from this. I said that her Uncle spoke for her Dad but it was best for people to speak for themselves. I said that her Dad may love her but not being around was not a loving thing to do.
I have spoken to several people including counselors about how I handled this and had differing responses. I would value your input and wonder if there is anything further I could follow up with. I guess I just want to be a clear sighted witness for her, without causing unnecessary heartache. One counselor said I could have left her to reach her own conclusions (probably after many years) that he is not reliable, but I feel that a lot of yearning, wondering and disappointment would be gone through to reach this conclusion.
Best wishes from New Zealand, a country which according to published statistics, has one of the highest rates of child abuse in the world!
Please publish this, regards, J
AM: I think that you told her the truth and being told the truth is always better than being fed with illusions and lies because this will give her the strength to later acknowledge her truth and to bear it.