Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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Letter from Poland
Friday October 20, 2006

Dear Alice Miller,

I am writing from Poland and I also want to say you thanks and thanks again for all books and articles you have wrote; you are right in all you say. Where are other people like you?????

As you see my English is bad but I hope you understand me very well.

I am telling my friends in Poland and Italy to read your books, they need it, but you know it’s not easy to convince them. When I tried to discuss with them theirs problems, telling about parents, “ they say, like you say in your books, they had fantastic parents.

I would like to tell you, in telegraphic form, my experience to confirm that it’s not necessary to go to the therapy but it’s enough to work hard and reading books. Of course it would be easer to have a good therapist or persons who understand but if you known it’s not so easy to find such a one.

I am 52 years old now. Already in adolescent period I wanted to die and sometimes I took sleeping pills in such a quantity so I sleep a long time, but when I was about 24 years old I cut my veins (after that attempt of suicide at the hospital they ask me if I would like to meet a psychiatrist but I said no). At that time I did not understand why I tried to die. It happened some weeks before I got married (I was not happy with my husband).

When I was 38 years old still in the unhappy marriage I tried for the second time to commit the suicide and this time taking a lot of sleeping pills and was urgently transported to the hospital 20 km from home (I did not remember anything I woke up in the hospital). When I got home after some days I tried again to take sleeping pills but this time not so much and when I woke up (I was alone at home) something strange happened in my mind, I still do not understand it, that I suddenly felt strong enough to start to change my live. I decided to leave my husband, moved back to Poland (my birth country) and started a new live alone with my son (12 years at that time).

It took me about 10 years to recover completely; without any therapy – before the second suicide I was in therapy for about 6 months – after that only by reading different books, no one understanding me and I felt very alone at that time but I had enough force to continue my new way).
I read a lot of books of different authors and I learnt that I am already adult and can decide by my self, I cannot change others only my self. I concentrated on myself to change my thinking and my behavior. I decided to cancel from my mind all I learnt from my parents and the society and I started to behave like I wanted to be, I crated my own life philosophy which permit me to be happy now. And from your books I learnt that I do not need to forgive my parents – my mother killed my creativity and self-estimation, very dominated women and my father for his absence. My self-estimation started to be higher and higher. Now, I believe in my self and I am happy now – I live my life in the way I like and do not permit anyone to interfere. I am alone, do not want to live together with a man because I want to be happy now, I suffered enough in the past, and do not see around me people who worked so hard on themselves, like I did, and are able be happy in the cruel world we live in.

I want to tell you that even if I was unhappy in my marriage and got depressed and tried to commit suicide I did not damage seriously my son.
It’s strange even for me, but as a woman I was weak but as a mother I was a tiger and I protect my son from his father and other adults, the family and teachers at schools. When my son was about 3 years I get to know from a Swedish psychologist in Sweden – I was living there at that time - that it’s my fault if the child has problems. I believed her and change immediately, maybe you do not believe me but it’s true. I started to read books and get know a lot of new, interesting, very important, absolutely necessary thing which help me to be a good mother.
My son is 24 years old now, since 1,5 years he lived alone and is strong, have high self-estimation. I respected and continue to respect his biological watch, did not force him to do things he did not want to do, I let him to be angry with me, I ask him to forgive me when I was wrong, etc. I continue to tell him often that I love him (when we meet, by e-mail, chat) I tell him he is fantastic, it’s true, I am happy seeing him that he can manage his live by himself.

You can publish it.

Dear Alice, I whish you to live so long to see the world changed where all children are respected by parents !!!!!!!!!!!!

S

AM: Thank you for your incredible letter. It is a proof that you can recover if you want to know your truth, if you can overcome the fear of it. And it shows that it is easier to succeed without a therapist than with one who is himself afraid of his truth. Congratulations.

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