Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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Which books to start?
Monday June 05, 2006

Can you tell me which book you would recommend to me (to start) with the
following information:

1) Mother had me before marrying my father at 20 years old.
2) Her mother who was 60 years old at the time took me. Never lived with my
parents. My mother & father left area and moved 600 miles away when I was 7
with my 2 brothers (at the time). Parents went on to be upper middle class
and my three brothers were all able to attend university, travel and this
was all financed by my parents. In the meantime, I
3) Lived on welfare, grandmother would send me to sell things, had to go to
welfare office and ask for money for food, no financial support from
parents, not a birthday gift - nothing. Grandmother was a tyrant who robbed
me of a childhood. Would beat me occasionally. Told me I would be a whore
like my mother and that my parents never wanted me. My life was hell. Lived
in 17 condemned houses in 22 years with no cental heating. Was dragged to
Bingo halls from the time I can remember till my early teens about 4 nights
a week. My mother had a similar childhood so she knew how "sick" this woman
was.
4) My grandmother also gave a child to her mother to raise.
5) I have been married for 29 years with 2 beautiful girls (27&21) and have
broken the cycle but am dealing with years of suppressing my feelings re my
childhood. I have been diagnosed with major depression.
6) Tried to address my feelings with my parents when my oldest child was 2
but was told that you can't change the past and get on with my life. My
oldest brother calls the whole thing a "bump in the road".
7) Think I have been depressed most of my life and realize I need to express
my feelings and not remain silent anymore. Have written a letter to my 3
brothers and have told one of my closest friend about the past. Never spoke
of any of this with anyone but my husband and my best friend from childhood.

If you could recommend some books to help me finally heal my soul I would
really appreciate it.

Thanks,
A

AM: To start I would recommend you "The Body Never Lies" and the recent articles on this website, especially on depression. You are absolutely right that the depression forces you to look into your cruel childhood as well as the terrible abandonment and injustice you had to endure from your parents. Fortunately you have your husband on your side and if you decide to look for a therapist, it could be helpful to read my FAQ list before. I wish you good luck with finding the right, well-informed witness!

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