Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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Homosexuals are not an exception
Sunday April 23, 2006

Dear Alice,
Both the question posed by A.L. and your answer touch on something that I also have thought about many times.
My experience with people who describe themselves as "homosexual" has been that they are no more or less willing to discover their own pasts than any other people.Several times I have felt that they were not really so sure of their "sexual orientation" as they have let it be perceived.I have often wondered just how many of these men and women have been confused in their feelings,and thereby in their sexuality,like anyone who thinks of themself as being "heterosexual".About the only common factor that I have found amongst all these people is their unflinching belief in their happy childhoods,especially in their (fairy-tale) belief of having had a wonderful mother.
It is probably true that only the people themselves could shed light on the roots on their own sexuality, but I think it is important to counteract the influence of religion and "science",who see homosexuality as being a curse from the devil or only a matter of "genes", to focus on the early childhood experiences before determing, even for them,what is "normal".
I mean, how can any person determine,even for themselves,what is "normal" as long as the truth of their own personal histories remains a secret,even to themselves.
Truth is,they can΄t.
sf

AM: Why do people expect and demand more from homosexuals than from heterosexuals? Why do the latter ones have the right to live unconsciously (with the image of their happy childhood and a wonderful mother) more than the first ones? Homosexuals do even less harm to society because they don't produce children to exploit them, abuse them, and teach them violence. Of course, they CAN abuse children and do much harm when they force them to keep silent. But many heterosexuals do the same, too, even if they are parents of own children. So what is the matter with our demands? Do we question why millions of religious people say that beatig children is right because of Salomon's wisdom? No, we don't do anything and see this as normal. Do we ask why millions of women let their daughters become sexually mutilated? No, we think that their religion is demanding that. But even the Koran does not demand this at all. It MAY be (I don't know it for sure) that the repressed rage of some men who were beaten as children by their mothers or sisters unconsciously wants to take revange when they are adults for what they had to endure in childhood. They honor their mothers and punish their daughters instead. So they feel good with this tradition and support it with their whole might. But be careful and don't give such information to anybody who does not ask you for. They would kill you rather than accept the truth that they suffered abuse in childhood. You know how much time it takes to confront oneself with one's own childhood. So don't try to be a healer in telling people what they definitely don't want to know. You can only heal yourself, and this is much, very much.

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