Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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The most important person
Thursday April 20, 2006

Dear Alice,
just wonderful! Your books and the way you write- "straight to the heart"...I am very impressed and greatful that there is somebody like you who does not fear to talk even to the most "valued", those who "know it all from 10 commanments"...

But, strangely, or maybe not, the conclusions I draw from your books for myself are that I should stop crying over my wounds, because everybody suffers...That, other are more important than me...
I did nor realise before that child abuse is so common...
I have admited to being abused only for around half a year. It has come as a long process. I am 46 years old now. Have no children. I think it is good. I always had known that would have suffered. Now I am ready, but it is too late...I feel too late for my knowledge/ experience of being abused...

When I was younger I used to draw constatly faces without eyes. It was almost compulsive, repeatitive way of drawing...Now, when I allowed myself to know, to see my eyes are painful...I was to fragile to see, so my drwaings did not see anything...I used to draw a lot of pictures with blood, wounds and crosses...I was bleeding...I did not feel it, as long as I as able to draw...Then I started to cut, my drawings were not enough to express the guilt, the pain...
I used to write, constatly write, again in a very compulsive way. What was written was not painful, what was written was calmer...I remember my hand aching from writing...I was able to take decisions, do anything only through writing. What was not written down, did not exist...I didn't not exist that time...

Now- I am alive, I have found my feelings, but- as well- hurtful thought that it is too late...If I only had known...

Anyway- THANK YOU for everybody who discovers themselves because of your wonderful work...

I may, I think sometimes about publishing...Not anything from my old writings or drawings- I destroyed everything...
I wrote some stories...Still too ashamed to show them, because I would be exposed to the world...

I have all your books...Reading them and thinking a lot...I felt what you named...

Thank you, if you listened to me... I

AM: Thank you so much for your letter. No, "others are not more important than you", this doesn't come from my books, it may come from your family and your early experiences. For you, the small child you were should eventually become the most important person in the world. Even if abuse is so common, you have the right to your suffering... and the obligation to take it seriously... to become free of it.

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