Relinquishing the idea of forgiveness
Thursday January 05, 2006
Follow-up to the letter in December 2005
Dear Alice and Barbara,
Thanks, I needed that help. I want to tell you that your validation of my feelings about forgiveness had a dramatic effect on me. A few days after receiving my mother's letter, when I wanted to forgive her - I found myself again very depressed, lonely and hopeless and actually imagining my suicide. I am lucky to have a real friend, an enlightened witness, who also happens to be the woman I love. In these worst moments, her empathy and total standing on my side practically saved my life. But for my depression to resolve I needed to make the change within myself. Relinquishing the idea of forgiveness made me come back to life within days. Hurting myself in any way seems absurd to me now. I trust myself again, I can listen to the child in me, and keep him away from the trap of forgiveness.