Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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Being me
Tuesday November 08, 2005

Hello Mrs Miller,

Thank you for your vision and courage to write your books. I have read your recent publishing. At first I was hesitant, even scared to discover something I wasen't ready for. Born in Canada in 1970 with Spina Bifida, to a mother with a mood disorder and an alcoholic father, my battle for survival on a physical and emotional began. I'm a fighter and have so much will power. I survived. Soon to be 35 I am healthy, happy, the partner of an amazing man and the best thing of all the mother of my 7 year daughter. I battled depression and I'm winning. Your book was my bridge to Me, but to do that I admitted that I never loved my mother or my father. I was repeatedly abused, humiliated, disrespected and violated. I was my mother's parent, trophy and reason to live. My younger sister was dealt a similar deck of cards without the spina bifida and more physical violations. Having always felt the obligation to respect and aid my mother I hated her too. As a I often thought of ways to kill her but in another way I needed her. My disability was a challenge and there was no one else to help me. I obeyed that fourth commandment. I was a very obidient child with heavy duty responsibilities. I have given all the possible excuses for my mother and father, who were divorced when I was 4. My father wasen't around and he new what was going on, but the lesser of two evils was that his children were better off with their mother. I did three years of therapy including personal coaching in the past year and unlike some of the people you cite in your book I was fortunate. My second therapist was the one who did it. I was allowed to be, to hate to live. No reprimands, no nothing except her being a compassionate witness. A couple of years later I was coached and learned more about me. I enjoy learning about human behavior including my own. I now understand and accept that I never loved my parents. I accept their existence. I am no longer dependent on my mother. Your book triggered what I was feeling but not grasping. I am in true service of myself. My bouts of anger have diminished. I feel nothing towards my mother who insists on a relationship. She is aging and is alone with her existence and her nasty behavior. No family, no friends, no goal, no life, it seems she's just waiting around to die. She is omnipresent in my life and she knows why and where I stand. I know where I stand. To sum it all up, I thank her for all she has given and all she has not. I am who I am today, in part, because of that. I really like who I've become and what I am to be. I finally feel the peace and thanks to the gift of motherhood I know what love is and how to love and live it completely. My daughter has a very good mother who loves her, respects her, and believes in her. Wow. What a relief. It is fine not to be obligated to what is bad in your life. It is possible. I'm not finished with my evolution as a true adult, but I am worth it.

Thank you for your gift,
I will share it.

"being me"

A.M.: Thank you for sharing with us your history. Everything here makes sense. I only didn't understand the sentence: I thank my mother for all she has given and all she has not. Can you explain this sentence?

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