My legs will not cooperate
Thursday November 03, 2005
Dear Ms Miller,
Your books speak directly to my heart and feelings. By their help I can try to deal with my problems and my childhood; I thank you more than I can express.
At present I am on sick leave from work, being pressed so much that my legs will not "cooperate" with me; they sometimes seem dismembered from the rest of my body. I hope the worst is over now, and I am trying to rest, and read your books.
I think your books started it all, through them I became aware of my history in a more emotional way. I started to react to the situation at work and not stand it anymore.
I have long known that I have been abused, or maybe more abandoned, but I cannot feel sorry for myself, not even today! My challenge now is to try to take myself seriously and not blame myself because my mother did not want to spend time with me, did not look me in the eyes, give me food or warmth, thought I was boring ("like a glass of water", she once told my twin brother), left me in a hospital for long periods without visiting me. I have always tried to make her see me. Now she is
dead but I still cannot be angry with her! I am more angry with myself. I have a family of my own now and try not to do to my daughter and son what has been done to me. But it is difficult. Now I feel more honest,
even though I do not feel well enough to go to work, go away on trips or walk. I think that these disabilities serve a purpose, telling me to stop and think.
Thank you again for helping me to be brave and try to see the truth.
A.M.: Thank you for your honest and thoughtful letter. I can imagine that reading my last article about guilt feelings might help you to deciffer the language of your legs.