Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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Leaving the hell.
Monday September 07, 2009





Hello I really enjoyed your web site and your book Free from Lies. I am now 52 yrs old and have just completed research that allowed me to revisit my childhood and the experiences that spanned over a life time from age 5 to age 50. The book is a journal about the Mother NPD and their relationship to their Son (me). And how I successfully escaped to enjoy life and find happiness. It took many years to accomplish. Your website is fantastic and I am sure it will help many people. Information helps give other victims the strength to believe it is not their fault and that that can move to a happier life.

Please consider referencing my book on your side. It you would consider reviewing the book, I would be glad to send you a copy. Thank you Charles


AM : Thanks to your courage and lucidity you succeeded to describe a childhood that I suspect many millions of people have to endure without realizing later that they survived an invisible “concentration camp”. The denial of pain, the suppression of emotions, the dissociation and the loss of memory seem to help them to overcome their fear and to idealize their destiny.

You refuse to do this. You want to know your truth and you are using the psychiatrists’ diagnosis by describing your mother as NPD in contrast to the “normal” loving and respectful mothers. But are the conscious, respectful and loving mothers, free from the effects of their violent upbringing, really so widespread? At least, the letters that we daily receive, the letters we can only publish in a small percentage, make me think that the honestly loving parents are probably rather an exception. Your NPD mother is maybe only an extreme example of a woman who had herself to survive the loss of her mother when she was 3 yrs old and was doubtlessly already before forced to repress and deny her pain of being abandoned. With her children she tried to fill the gap. The story is always the same: the denial of the cruelty of our caregivers at the cost of our children and their health. This behaviour is legitimated by religions that demand tolerance for cruelty and call this “love”, by the whole society that calls violence against children the right upbringing, and by psychiatrists who invent thousands of etiquettes (diagnosis) which must help the doctors to avoid confronting their own history and the one of their patient.

I am glad that you could escape from this universal denial and that you have described CONCRETELY the hell most of people have to deny. Your sister who was even more maltreated as yourself is unable to follow you. As almost all severely maltreated children she can’t give up the hope that the parents might change one day if she does whatever she can to believe in their “goodness” and oversee their sadism. Fortunately, you succeeded finally to break the chain of abuse and to give you and your new family the chance to live in love and peace.

Your book may help many to open their eyes, many who are still afraid to do this because they fear to be punished for the truth.

Will you let us know how the book was received by your readers?I hope that our visitors will be able to open the link to your pdf.


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