Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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Hatred behind pity?
Saturday July 18, 2009

Dear Alice Miller,

I was recently at the receiving end of some pity for expressing genuine emotion
and it reminded me very much of my childhood situation.
From my experience, the emotion of pity is actually a disempowering form of hatred disguised as empathy.
Something we were forced to accept as an "act of kindness" as children but now as adults we
can name it for what it is.
I was often pitied for expressing sadness, fear, anger, pain, hurt, a desire to be taken seriously etc. and I
believe it to be one of the most damaging responses to my genuine emotions.

It is also reserved for homeless people, the elderly and anyone else who "deserves" it.
It has caused a considerable barrier between my me and my genuine emotions, "self-pity" you could call it
but I am getting past this slowly.
Seeing it for what it is helps, namely hatred.

I've just read and agree with what was said of William Blake's assessment of pity as "Pity attempts to defuse
the power of righteous indignation that can lead to action".
No longer will I pitied by myself, G

AM: I am not shure if I understand you well. Are you saying that pity ALWAYS hides hatred or that it happened so in your family?
A lot of notions still have a positive validation to us given them from religions and the poisonous pedagogy until we discover the hypocrisy hidden behind them. The more you discover true empathy for yourself and others you may see pity as a betrayal because it PRETENDS compassion where actually true empathy is lacking.





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