Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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Overcoming the fear
Wednesday June 03, 2009





Dear Alice,
Thank you for your email. Yes returning to the mother is something that
needs to be confronted. I suppose the constant returning to date has its
basis within fear somehow. On one hand I know of the punishment that
awaits those who do not conform. My brother only returns a few times each
year and he is slandered for it behind his back, while my sisters are
still very much still under control. To be honest now that I focus on it
part of returning to date has to do with punishment. This punishment for
me has been an extension of a lifetime of punishment so it is not just a
case of knowing what will be said and the angry looks given to others. It
is also an intensity of retribution that begins in childhood that I know
now has no real basis. On the other hand I do feel sorry for her in her
old age as it is up to me to fix the place up and do repairs when it
begins to fall down. She is the way she is because of her own tormented
childhood. Oh hang on. I return to get the connection to this earth that I
never had. She cannot connect me and each time I am denied this the
intensity of separation from people and the earth intensifies resulting in
alienation and depression with a subsequent yearning to leave. Oh.

After pondering on this I have decided to take a minimum break of 6 months
and focus on a new life for myself. Even if and when I return the maximum
stay will be no more than an hour. It is after this that I begin to
surrender something vulnerable to a prison within. I think it will help if
I realize that she cannot connect me and go about connecting myself.

Your question has been thought provoking. I have also realized in reading
your book that there are some people around me that have similar qualities
to the mother. They seem to draw me into their sphere of influence or at
least I migrate towards them seeking their approval which they cannnot
give. Now that I recognize them I will also be putting distance between
us.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I am very grateful to you and am
really happy right now for the first time in my life. There is a new
existence waiting to be created. I am so lucky to have come across your
works. You have helped to give me my life back.
All the very Best Regards G

AM: When you overcome your fear of being punished you become free for your true feelings and your needs.

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