Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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How to get rid of the rage?
Saturday May 30, 2009






I'm not sure I understand your first question, Ms. Miller. You asked me, "Why do you insist on being helped by my books if you see that they could not help you?" Your books have helped me tremendously. More than you could possibly imagine. If I said they didn't in a previous e-mail, I misspoke. I know in my previous 2 e-mails to you, I mentioned how helpful and brilliant your books are. Upon re-reading them, I see so clearly that your books are loaded with solutions. The deeper that I have gotten into recovery, the more I understand your books and where you are coming from. I am currently reading For Your Own Good. I am realizing all of the solutions you offer. I am reading your work and realizing that you are speaking to me. I am becoming free from reading your books. They have helped me more than any therapist ever has.

As for your second question, no I am not currently taking any medication. I believe that the spiritual solution is the only way. Loving myself and being gentle, compassionate and sensitive with myself are the main way out for me. I am trying desperately to find that child in me and allow him to lead me. It has been a difficult road, but I am finding him. I was raised to meet the needs of my parents and to obey them and have no needs of my own. Putting myself first and loving myself has been the main challenge for me and I am getting there more and more everyday.

As for your third question, when I showed anger as a child, I was either beaten, yelled at, ostracized or abandoned. Learned helplessness kicked in for me and I had my will broken by my parents, my father's family and the school and religious systems. Is it necessary for me to get angry to get out of this, Ms. Miller? I've been in so many fights in my life (with "symbols" of course. I don't want to fight anymore. I do not know exactly how to get my anger and rage out. I intuitively feel that I have to get through and beyond my anger to get out of this prison. Do I need to do that through direct confrontation? How do I purge all of my negative emotions and get into my authentic and loving self, Ms. Miller?

Thank you for your time. Thank you for your books. Believe me, they are extremely helpful to me, Ms. Miller. Please advise at your earliest convenience.

Warmest Regards,



AM: It is necessary for you to get eventually angry ONLY with your PARENTS and overcome the fear of them. They can't punish you anymore but you need to SEE EXACTLY how they were and how they treated you. THEN and ONLY then will you become free for your life. The rage abainst 40 other persons will not give you this freedom.

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