Understanding the torturer doesn't help
Monday March 16, 2009
I had compasiσn for my mother ever since I have memory. I know very early in life that my mother brutalized me because she suffered. That never helped my suffering, but made posible to tolerate a brutal mother that I needed for food and shelter which were instinctively my primary needs as a child. I know my mother was evil, but I had to believe she had a good side alter all. Is that not like Stockholm sνndrome? As an adult my intelectual knowledge that my mother was victim of many things (war, her father- certainly not mine who she controled like an iditot- and her own mother) did not help the need the little child I was had of being protected from this monster, my mother. I had many health problems from 33 to 45. Gradually as I acknowledged the terrible mother I had, my health imrproved, but never totally. Always in the hands of alternative medicine, thank god. Only when I realized that my inner child needed to be freed from the presence of this torturer, from all contact with her, my health became total. My eyesight improved. Do not use glasses any more. I look younger. Many times my inner child is frightened that this so called mother might suffer and then kill me for dissapointing her, and that it World not be her fault. The knowledge of her suffering did not help my fear to be abandonded or killed by her. I could say it would not help a child killed by her mother to be told that her mother had suffered a lot. Biology and survival are not sensitive to politics for a child. I was a feminist and protected my mother with this infantile argument for years. My inner child led me to sickness that only stopped when I made sure to my inner little girl that that woman would never get anywhere near. I did well, my sister who stayed with her, is now at 34 sick with a terrible cancer. She confessed to pity her torturer. This mother forgiving feminism and its excuses for womens crimes against children delayed my recovery for decades. My sister might die. P
You can publish this letter.
AM: You are absolutely right by saying "The knowledge of her suffering did not help my fear to be abandonded or killed by her. I could say it would not help a child killed by her mother to be told that her mother had suffered a lot." And your body thanks you for this insight. Unfortunately, the feminism blocks this understanding by protecting the mothers. Congratulations!