Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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Information on the Myspace page
Thursday February 19, 2009


Dear Dr. Miller, I've wanted to write to you since I first read DOTGC a little over one year ago, but I was hesitant because I felt that you must receive many letters.When I found "Drama" I knew immediately that it was written for me. I could tell just holding it in my hands and reading the description on the back that it was what I had been looking for but had yet to find. Your book validated my experience and opened my eyes, and I am forever grateful that you have shared your message. Thank you so much.
I am not sure if you are familiar with Myspace, but it is a social networking site. I had hoped that you might have a Myspace page, either run by yourself or someone who wanted to share your work, but I found none. Because I feel your work should be accessible to everyone, I felt that if you were to have a Myspace page, many young people might become familiar with your writings who might not have otherwise found your books or website. I have created a Myspace profile for you that clearly states it is not run by you and gives a direct link to your website. I have posted text from your flyer's and articles, without editing your work and clearly crediting you. I was very proud to have created the page, but I felt that you should be aware of it in case you had any objection to it. The link to the Myspace profile is:http://www.myspace.com/dralicemiller

If you do not feel comfortable with my creating the page, I will be glad to relinquish it and turn it over to you. But I very strongly feel that you should have a presence in the Myspace community, as there are over a million users and the site attracts over 230,000 people a day. If just one of those users were to encounter your work, I feel it would make a difference.
On a personal note, I have undergone many changes since reading your first book. It was extraordinarily painful to admit how badly damaged I was from the abuse I suffered at my parents hands. But it helped me, even as it hurt me, to recognize and validate my own feelings about what happened. I am 27 years old, and I am so glad that I was fortunate enough to have my eyes opened before I lost another year of my life to hiding behind my false self. Since last fall (the one year mark of reading your book), I have been seeing an absolutely wonderful therapist who I love dearly. I searched for months to find someone who I felt would understand and listen to ME and my experience, and not try to fix me. I found my therapist online, along with a description stating that understanding the emotions behind a dysfunctional family past will help lead to healing. When I read that he felt facing the truth about emotional wounds would lead to finding the true self, I knew that he was the therapist I wanted for myself. I've never experienced trust and love the way I have with my therapist. When I began experiencing transference, and trust and love towards him, I realized all the things that I had never had with my own parents. My therapist is someone I can trust and to be able to feel vulnerability and trust has enriched my life in so many ways. I spoke with him this week about creating the Myspace page for you, and he suggested that I write to you and tell you. I agreed, not just to notify you of the profile page, but because I felt strong enough to finally be able to admit my gratitude for all that you've done in my life. Your work means so much to me, because I know you understand the real me. I feel safe in feeling gratitude towards you. Before reading your work, I might have been too terrified to ever open myself to express thanks in such a way. But I know now it is okay to feel everything I feel, including gratitude! You are truly an inspiration to my life, and I am so thankful that your voice stretched so far to reach me. Thank you, from every cell in my being. I will always look to you as a personal hero to me. You are a Mother to so many who have read your work, the kind, empathetic Mother that those of us who were abused so desperately needed.
I also wanted to share that I have grown emotionally and spiritually in ways I never imagined since reading your books! Your explanations of why things are the way they are gave me a deep understanding of society. I have taken up an interest in Philosophy because you helped me learn how to ask "Why?" I even hope to go back to school to study Philosophy! I have found courage that I never knew I had, all because you were the one to point out my "Gift" and how it shaped my life.
If you find the Myspace page to be acceptable to you, then I would be glad for you to print my letter. I often read the letters posted on your site to uplift me, and it would be an honor if I were to help someone else in that way.
Again, I thank you for all the ways you have helped me and others like me. Your work shines like a beacon on a cold, dark night, and I am glad that I was able to finally find the light.
With deepest gratitude, K.K.

AM: Thank you very much for what you have done to make people aware of the problem of child abuse and its consequences. I looked at the link and feel that you have well understood this dynamic. We will see what kind of reactions you will get. It is true that young people should be better informed before they become parents. But usually young people are still dependend on parents and are thus often afraid to question their behavior. It is much later, when they become sick or are surprised that they are hitting their children even if they never wanted to do this, that they start to think about their childhood and their suffering they had then to endure. They realize that they kept their truth repressed for decades, hidden in their bodies. Unfortunately, most therapists don't help them to discover their truth, in order to heal, they tell them rather to turn the page and forget the past. You seem to have the good fortune to be understood and really helped.

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