The right profession
Tuesday October 28, 2008
Dear alice miller
Since my teenage years till now as an adult, I have always disliked children.
Where people see adorable faces and innocent smiles in them, I see nothing but trouble and lack of discipline.
To me, their misbehavior is intolerable thought they are not to blame but their parents.
I spent 4 years in college to study to be an elementary teacher according to my parents wishes yet I have no desire in becoming one.
I consider teaching to be an important job and it requires a loving personality that I dont possess.
A good teacher may ease the pain for students who suffer from any form of child mistreatment yet I have my own memories to deal with first.
After reading one of your books, I suspected my resentment toward children is actually a projection of my childhood memories.
The children remind me of how powerless I was then and how easily I sold myself out in order to gain my parents conditional love and affection.
I believed I cannot treat the young with fairness before I deal with my ghosts in the past.
Before I wonder why they couldnt behave like we did 10years ago, now I see it wouldnt be right to say so since I wouldnt want anyone to suffer like I did.
The so called well- behaved children might just be the ones who suffered the most in the past.
Im not seeing a therapist now and I havent been before.
For fear that I might just screwed up the job, I stay completely away from teaching and motherhood.
I believe this is the only way to stop the vicious cycle for me right now.
Maybe its a bit extreme to think like this but my sense of responsibility has overcome the desire to start a new family or a relationship a long time ago.
-Motto by Rain (Korean artist)
find out who is "RAIN"
visit my blog http://blog.yam.com/rainscoming
AM: Fortunately, you can feel what you need (and don't need) and can take it seriously. You write: The so called well- behaved children might just be the ones who suffered the most in the past. Especially imaybe n the Chinese tradition where you come from. You will find with time what you REALLY want to do as profession, you will know it better than your parents.