too much respomsibility
Saturday October 11, 2008
Dear Alice Miller -
I am impressed by your work. It has changed my approach to my family and to parenting in a profound way. Indeed your work has given me the confidence to listen carefully to my feelings , to question long standing traditions in parenting, and faith that caring conscious parenting (where the child is treated with esteem and tenderness (any other parenting should be considered a crime) is tantamount to a healthier world. Your books made a huge impression on me. Your ability to speak a revolutionary truth with such accurate simplicity is amazing to me. Thank you, thank you, and thank you.
My own birth and childhood was traumatic - rife with fear, violence and insidious blame. I and my five siblings were raised to believe that we were the cause of any problems in our home my parents abdicated responsibility and decades later have complete amnesia about the violence and suffering they inflicted. Despite all of this, I prevailed through anxiety, depression and anorexia with the help of your excellent books and a fine therapist. Now, I am able give my children what I needed as a child an honest, caring and a responsible atmosphere in which to grow up. I can also say with joy I dont care what my parents want, need or what they think of me anymore (well most of the time!).
Although I have thought to write to you before - I was particularly inspired today by your answer to posting titled Forum - Thursday October 09, 2008. To me your answer was beautiful in that you retracted in a quiet way your previous concerns and replaced the confusion with wisdom I am impressed with your communication and positive resolution to this problem with the Forum. Again, thank you.
AM: I was very moved by your letter and thank you very much for your empathy. As I had to learn very early to take responsibility for others, and sometimes it was necessary, it became a habit that is not easy to unlearn. But sometimes I succeed as you see. I am so glad that a good therapist and my books helped you to liberate you from your abusive childhood (at least "most of the time) and to find the courage to SEE.