Tuesday August 12, 2008
Hi! I don't know where to start. My life feels so miserable and hopeless at times. Many times I have wanted to commit suicide because the truth of my childhood is so sad and I feel at times that no-one can handle it if tell about it. When I was born after some months my parents gave me to my grandmother to take care of. My grandmothers husband who was not my real grandfather abused me by touching my genital area. I told about it to my father and he was hiding this subject and didn't want to tell my mother. When my mother heard about abuse she moved me to daycarecentre to stay for time she was at work. My grandmother was abused herself when she was a child so she didn't leave that man and I met this man several times after I was no more spending days at their house. He was always at my birthday parties for example and my father took me to their place and the man was looking at me in a strange way. I was child full of problems at school and my parents were blaming me for those things I did. They could not realise that I was only showing the reality of my life. When I was 11 years old I made dolls myself with my friend. There was teacherdoll who had a very big penis and girl doll who had big vagina. I was feeling shamed for all of my things I was playing and I hide it carefully because my mother never said a-thing about sexual issues and all that was SHAMEFUL. I am going to therapy and I feel it is helping me. It's difficult for me to talk about all these things covered with shame. Later in my life when I was 19-year-old girl I was raped in the place where I lived alone. I didn't go to tell police because I hated myself already and I thought it's all my fault. I even let this man to enter my home again. I try to go through all this and I am having some sicknesses already that are making my life difficult. A young woman This letter can be published on the web page but without any personal information
AM: Your childhood was a hell. Fortunately, you feel well understood by your therapist and you can trust her. It is important that you tell her whatever you know, without protecting your parents. All the shame you had to endure was a scandal. You have not the slightest reason to be ashamed, you were an innocent abused child.THEY should feel ashamed but they will not. Don't waite for them to recognize their crimes, try to care now for the little tortured child you once were and learn to love her instead of offending her like your parents did.