Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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escaping an obsessed psychiatrist father
Saturday June 21, 2008

Dear Dr. Miller:

I wrote you a year ago and shared a narrative about my childhood.

Although I cut off more than 20 years ago from my parents and family of origin, it seems that my father has once again decided that he must make me fearful and destroy me.

My brother-in-law contacted me to tell me that my father has been trying to contact me - even though he knows I've gotten legal assistance to keep him away in the past.

My father is run by his sadism - on some level he's aware I'm doing better, thriving more than at any point during my life - it's as though he can smell, the way a shark can, that I'm finally, at the age of 52 beginning to fulfill my lifelong dream: I'm about to go to journalism school at Columbia University on a scholarship, and I hope once again to be able to devote myself to my writing.

Here is the email I received the other day from my brother-in-law:

"This email concerns your father... he approached me to reach you "through any contacts you might have" to get your views about some messages from him to you. I've stalled, but now I heard that he had some contact info for you through Google (or some such), so he might try even though I haven't given him an answer (he's impulsive that way). Anyway I wanted to warn you so it wouldn't be a complete surprise..."

Although my sister is now dead because of my parents, my brother-in-law still has a hard time believing the deadliness of what took place in my parents' home.

This is what I wrote to my brother -in-law:

"If there is a sum of money he is dying to give to me (which there isn't, I'm sure: he simply wants to manipulate me into falling back into his and Gloria's clutches - just think, another daughter to kill! -) then I can only suggest he use an attorney: his attorney can open an escrow account and contact *my attorney* who can accept it on my behalf, and the matter is done.

This is how legal matters are handled when dealing with criminals and pathological liars.

His wanting to make a transaction "direct" stems from his frustration in not being able to shoot me out of the sky these past few years. He MUST make sure somebody suffers - so he can see it - he is a sadist, pure and simple; and his sadism MUST be gratified. So if it's money, that's the only way it goes: through attorneys. Period."

I get so weary sometimes at other people falling for it, and that even after all these years, he does not tire (nor does my mother, but through other means) of wanting to destroy the single one of their offspring who did not turn into a goose-stepping annihilator... there's nothing he has ever wanted to do more than shoot his creative children out of the sky.

I'm so tired. Maybe life is just too hard, and it would just be better if I didn't have to think about this ever again?

Thanks for your support, and help, whether direct, or indirect (through your books and writing.)

All best, E. R.

AM: It is always very hard to deal with a sadist if you are dependent on them. And as a child, you depend on your parents, you can't escape them. Whatever you do, they succeed to make you suffer. Most people then feel, even as adults, that they are still dependent on their parents. And they ARE -- as long as they wait for a change, for a miracle. They believe that a sadist will change because they think that they absolutely need a good father or mother. You are lucky that you no longer believe this. To have a good attorney is the best way of communication in your situation. Congratulations. You have the courage to SEE the truth and thanks to this sight you have the means that you need to protect yourself.

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