Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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question about parents
Friday June 20, 2008

hello,

i was beaten as a child a few times by my dad. my mom was critical of me and did not protect me. i am wondering if i am picking up correctly from your books and website the message that i should not be in contact or have any relations with my parents. present day is that we talk a few times per week. i see them every week. i feel guilty walking away from them and not having them in my life. it appears to me that as a general rule, your message is that in order to heal, contact with the parents needs to be cut off, completely. is this true? can you give a better explanation of your guidelines for this topic? im not able to make a good decision for myself around this. thank you.

AM: Why should you not see your parents if you feel well being around them? But there are people who suffer a lot when they meet with their parents, even when they talk to them only on the phone; they are unable to talk frankly with their parents, must control every word and are afraid of their exploding rage that must remain hidden. After such meetings they feel very sick. In THESE cases I ask people why they think that they must visit and lie to their parents if they feel so bad with them. But if it is not your case, why do you ask for my opinion? Enjoy your good feelings and your good health.

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