Thursday June 05, 2008
First of all thanks for your work, your books, your website, your presence!
I have finally managed to find a therapist (after years of therapy...) who is a witness to all the suffering I endured during my childhood. For the last three years I could finally focus on the real issues:
In brief: my mother did not really want to have me and she and my sister were jealous from the moment I was born as my father focused his attention on me. He very badly sexually abused me as a baby. He forced sex on me: his penis into my backside and into my mouth (I feared to suffocate).
It has been a most painful journey to let myself know the truth about my childhood and I have felt a lot of anger.
The abuse has left me with deep marks. The most upsetting and difficult to deal one is that I am back in the trauma as soon as I see or hear someone eat.
I understand know that it reminds me of my father's face that I had to look at during the abuse. I also get panicked if someone walks up behind me. My backside regulary hurts - my body remembers (and reminds me) in a lot of ways.
I wanted to ask if you have any advise how I could work with these traumas and reduce their impact on my life.
With best regards, K
AM: Your panics are indication of what happened to you. Fortunately you found the witness who WANTS to listen to your story so you can work on it. This takes time of course but you will succeed because you want to know your truth.