Thursday April 03, 2008
I can't recall having thanked you for your books and website and forums. I remember thanking Bob Scharf for his modest and sensitive moderation and all the time that he invested in us. I remember now, I have thanked you.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that i am still working through my childhood and that my life is still improving. I feel as if i am sometimes bursting at the seams, in a good way. More and more opportunities come in sight, i have so much more energy, my ways of relating keep improving, my children have become happier, more assertive. I feel much more empowered. My creativity has returned and my courage.
I have taken a few painting lessons and portrayed my childhood, which was so revealing. So good to express my childhood with a paintbrush instead of a pen. After that i have undergone Reiki treatment and the images/feelings/memories that came to the surface when i was touched was amazing. I found myself outraged at my parents, but also i saw myself screaming for love. I have found it difficult to admit to myself that once i did love my mother and did need her. During Reiki i could see that for the first time in my mind's eye. I have also felt incredible pains in my head and other parts of my body. Very sharp pains in my abdomen and head. I have also been capable of allowing the memories of my mother squatting naked on my face. I suffer less from intrusive thoughts, now that I can look at that image calmly. My first response was incredible outrage. I saw myself cutting her up with a knife and all kinds of things. I can allow all that now and you are right it is so liberating. I can also feel at the same time when i talk about my memories, they are becoming less of two separate entities.
Jean Jenson's therapy has helped me set up my life in a much more constructive manner, but therapy in that sense was not enough. I also needed to write, paint and try Reiki. But what has sustained me for a long time was your forum. When I couldn't find anyone to talk to I had the list. The list has been crucial in my healing and made me feel connected to others. I was not alone, i could reach out and ask for help.
Life has become really good. And I am ready and stable enough now to help others without expecting anything in return, or without wanting to talk about myself. I have become less selfish, less petty, more tolerant, more open. It is incredible what a human being is capable of.
I am grateful for your courage and your wisdom. You had the guts and the clarity and intelligence to tell your story and to be a children's advocate. Look at what one person can do!
I hope this finds you well,
i wish you lots of love, S. W.
AM: Thank you so much for your letter, I am very happy you could eventually made the experience that to confront your truth (even the very cruel memories, I remember!) gave you the peace you so much needed. You had the very rare courage to go through all the hell and you never hesitated. Congratulations from the depth of my heart.