Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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Unwanted children?
Monday March 03, 2008

From my perspective...the truth about parents that continue to justify the virtues of beating their own children, is that they never wanted the child in the first place. The child is seen as a burden, a mouth to feed. The adult either consciously or more often unconsciously hates the child. The adult takes personally every tantrum or misbehavior that the child expresses. The adult has neither the intelligence nor maturity to look beyond the moment and see the child's frustration or acting out as a need for love and guidance. Instead the child is shown violence which further alienates and distresses the child.
The unfortunate truth about abused children is that we were burdened with worthless parents. We were destined to people who had no use for us other than as objects to be used for releasing their own anger and self-hatred.
At least now we can clearly see their motives and failings. That is something to be thankful for.
We don't have to swallow whole and accept the antiquated party line, "spare the rod, spoil the child." What does that mean anyway? How could parents incapable of loving a child, ever spoil a child? Beating is so much easier than love. I mean, how could anyone possibly love and protect their own child, for god sake? Love is just not normal, beating is the way to go! And why stop at beating? Why not just 'do away' with the little bugger completely and save yourself the energy of having to break out the belt and chase him/her around the room all night.

I'm being sickeningly sarcastic of course, but I remember being beaten or berated to the point at times where I feared for my own life. What a blessing to be alive and able to look back without fear. Hopefully there is a place in hell reserved especially for those who believe it appropriate to dehumanize children.

AM: Thank you so much for your brave and insightful statement. You are right, unwanted children are usually mistreated. But there exist as a rule also a huge amount of people who were "wanted" indeed, but only for playing the role of the victims that their parents needed to be able to take revenge on. They were wanted to give their parents what the parents never had gotten from their own parents: love, adoration, attention and so many other things. Otherwise, why would so many people have five or more children when they have no time for them? Why do they adopt children if their body refuses to give them what they apparently "want?
The never acknowledged, never felt pain of their childhood calls for being avenged. They go to church, they pray, they honor their parents, forgive them everything and they mistreat their children at home, often in a very cruel way, AS IF THIS WERE THE MOST NATURAL THING, because they learned this so early. Their children learn this perverted behavior, also very early, and will later do the same; and so this perverse behavior continues for millennia. Unless people are willing to SEE the perversion of their parents and are ready to consciously refuse to imitate it.
You are not being "sickeningly sarcastic," you only dared to speak out the truth that most people are afraid of seeing or talking about.


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