Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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Thank you Alice Miller
Wednesday February 27, 2008

Dear Alice Miller,

I am a thirty year old woman from Turkey and I would like to thank you a thousand times for making it possible for me to finally lift the guilt. I started psychotherapy after my anger popped up following having a baby and then having seperated with my spouse. After more than a year of therapy, after I could recently accepted and started to control my anger, my therapist recommended your book,“The drama of the gifted child”.
I came to realize that if I was not enlightened by the book, I would never be genuinely happy. I have a two year old son and I’m thinking, reaching for the little girl inside me, will make it easier (which already has made) to emphatize with my son. I also realized that, once I start to love that little girl, feel her sorrow and anger, the love for my son would be free of guilt, therefore more genuine, and spontaneous.
The thing I like most about the book is it is not abstract, it has actual, applicable hints that you could adapt, easily. Now when my 2 year old has temper tantrums, I know what to say to him. I now can avoid experiencing his tantrums as a struggle within myself. I hold him, and tell him “I know how you feel and it is ok to feel that way. I would have felt angry if I were you, too, I can not do what you are asking for but we can do this (something else to distract him) together” You know what, once I except him with his feelings, he calms down rightaway almost every time, if not rightaway after insisting briefly, he catches up with the distraction.
After having read the book, I felt angry and sad at the same time for a while. I accepted myself and I began to love myself and every one around me did so. I confronted my parents with the memories I keep remembering (I’m not sure how much of the process they get but I say now as an aware adult, the least I can do is to stay at the defence of the little child I once was and that’s got to be something!) and it is a great relief to let the child within find a way to express her feelings.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Z.G.

AM: Thank you so much for your letter, I am really happy that you understood me so well and that you are able to learn so much from your child. You see how quickly children can be reached if we don't think that we must win a war and start to fight with them. Congratulations !

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