A catalyst for change
Friday December 14, 2007
Dear Alice Miller,
I wrote to you back in July with my letter "So how do I feel what my body is telling me?" You asked me in response "What would happen if you DID express your anger? How would you be punished?"
I am writing to thank-you for your question; it became a catalyst for a lot of change in my life.
When I spoke to my therapist the following week, he was angry and belittled the fact that I had written to you. That made me realize that he wasn't on my side and I took the difficult decision to stop seeing him. It was hard to do, but then I found someone else who I know is on my side. And I can speak to her and trust her. I am so pleased I changed therapist.
She supported me in writing to my parents to have my voice and tell them how I feel about the abuse I suffered at their hands. I no longer have contact with them. The guilt does not weigh heavy on me as I thought it might, but rather sadness.
And my body is expressing itself to me more than ever right now; through a depression for which I have had to resort to medication, bad skin rashes and a worsening of my trichotillomania.
I wanted to wait and write you again when I was able to answer your question. I still cannot answer it completely, but I can now in part. As a child, if I spoke up and expressed myself my parents crushed me. Beating me wasn't enough for them. They sought to wreck any interests or friendships that I had and overwhelm me with their wants and needs.
Thank-you again Dr Miller and I wish you a wonderful Christmas.
AM: Don't worry, the anger will come when it is time for it. Now, you dare to KNOW what they did. And this is the first important step. Congratulations!