Karma and abuse
Saturday August 11, 2007
What are your thoughts on Buddhism and karma? I experienced extreme physical and mental/emotional abuse by a step father which my mother condoned through silence. Also some minor sexual abuse by a relative. For some reason I'm only just admitting this to myself within the last year, although I have awful scars covering my legs from being beaten with extension cords and belts, somehow I managed to repress these memories until recently after I suffered a breakdown of sorts. As a woman, I don't have much confidence, although I'm learning to fake it until I gain it.
It's actually quite freeing to no longer feel crazy or act out neurotically, I realize I was under going much self deception in order to survive.
Now, at 29, I find myself going down this path of Buddhism and karma as a way to make sense of the abuse. Basicaly believing that my spirit chose this hardship as a way of compensating for past(lives) errors. My mind has to find a logical reason for the pain other than just blaming the abuser. He has little concern for me and calls his abuse of me "discipline." I make an effort to not think of him or my mother. While Buddhism is comforting to a degree, its austerity is harsh as you are told that you should be thankful for any insult or abuse because abusers are teachers and we deserve whatever we get--to put it bluntly.
As far as finding spiritual validation for the abuse , would you say that it is another form of denial? T.
AM: Yes, of course I would say that. It is not only denial, it is brain washing in the most dangerous way.