A morbid story
Sunday June 17, 2007
Dear Mrs Miller,
In the letter of 21 April 2007 ("The stolen life") someone writes: "I was not wanted, I was not liked, I was not loved, but was slowly shaped into the person my family could bear".
I share this feeling of not being listened to.
But you are right. Since I dare to listen to what my feelings are telling me, my depressive mood is not there anymore in the way it was there before. Instead of hating myself, now I feel a lot of anger anger about what happened to me.
But my feelings are still very mixed and I struggle a lot.
On one hand at the age of 59 years I feel hope finally daring to find my own self and getting rid of the shape they put me in and living my own life. On the other hand I still have a lot of fear of hurting and losing my 83 years old mother and my brother and sisters.
But I can see a glimpses of light and one day I hope to feel free of the skin they put on me.
I want to tell you a story which will interest you.
At Rotterdam in the night of 3 February a 42 year man named Roland Z. killed his mother, flayed her to take her skin of, after which he put on her skin and went out to contol the traffic on a big square meanwhile reading loudly from the bible. Because it was carnival at that time, he stood there one and a half hour before was discoverd what clothes he was wearing.
Did that guy finally literal fulfil the command we are given by our mother allready starting very early in life?
It seems a desperate attempt and the utmost form of identifying with and at the same time ending the totat control by his mother.
Thank you for the respect you give us. W.
AM: Why do you fear to loose your mother when you are true to your feelings?