Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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Anger is One of My Feelings
Tuesday June 05, 2007

Dear Alice Miller,

I have finally been able to feel anger after enduring a horrible abuse-filled childhood that led me to find cruel and sadistic men for my life. My memories started coming and after much fear, I found anger as well. It made me even angrier that many people around me wanted to take my anger away from me. They have no right to do this and I will not let them.

I recently wrote the following to someone: -- "I know why I can't do things that would release my anger. I need my anger to survive. I wanted to spare you knowing this, because I didn't want to scare you. Twice in my life I have experienced the blackest of despair caused by the most horrible betrayal that took away my personhood. I had despair, but had no anger to defend me in the end. I overdosed on pills. I don't have anything else to take the place of this new lifeline of anger and I don't know how to get anything else. So, you see, if I am 'resisting' anything here, it is death."

I wrote this before reading Barbara's letter to her anger that you mentioned on your website. After reading her letter, I realised that my anger is just one of my feelings and my feelings can give me important information about my life!!! I have been learning how to listen to my feelings and I am listening to my anger now as well. I have more information since doing that and I already feel less angry!! What a gift it is to be able to understand the communication of my anger when others thought it was something that I should get rid of!! I knew that I was right and I am very glad that I stood my ground. I will never, ever again allow someone else to tell me what things I should feel and what things I should not feel. My feelings are MINE. They belong to me and I will not let anyone take away anything of mine anymore.

Also, I wanted to tell you how I found this website. A couple of years ago, when my memories began to find me, my sleep was very, very disturbed. I had lots of active dreams that I did not understand. I later thought again of one of those dreams. In that dream I heard my own voice say, "The truth will set you free." It was belated, but I listened to myself. I searched the internet for this phrase and that is how I found you. I thought you might enjoy hearing about that.

So many people are so afraid of the truth that it is banished in society. I do not have to and WILL NOT do everything that society does. The truth is finally setting me free!!! I have hope for my healing and I have hope that the second half of my life will be more genuine than the first half. All is not lost. Thank you for a truthful voice that supports this for those who are willing to see, but have been lost and blinded in a world filled with lies and deceit.

AM: Congratulations to your clarity. You write: I am listening to my anger now as well. I have more information since doing that and I already feel less angry!! What a gift it is to be able to understand the communication of my anger when others thought it was something that I should get rid of!! I knew that I was right and I am very glad that I stood my ground. I will never, ever again allow someone else to tell me what things I should feel and what things I should not feel. My feelings are MINE. They belong to me and I will not let anyone take away anything of mine anymore.
I think that with this insight and experience you can't be lost again, you can't become a target of addiction again for a long time, your feelings will inform you at the right moment about how you were about to damage yourself, and they will help you to choose what is right and healthy for you.

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