Rage released with an enlightened witness
Saturday April 21, 2007
Dear Alice Alice I have written to you several times recently and your respect at writing me back with honest comments has made a difference. I have been so close recently but not quite there. Maybe it was the Virginia school shooting that finally set me off and I exploded in rage and had an enlightened witness and I felt believed. Now I realize I only partially understood what you wrote and it wasn't until this moment that I could see my truth. As a child the evil that I grew up in was absolutely inconceivable for me to comprehend and so I stayed blind and in pain all my life. When I first read your books I thought maybe your use of "horror" was something of an exaggeration. Now I see firsthand the evil I faced and no wonder I dissociated and was always afraid and protected my parents. Its actually worse than I could have ever imagined (your use of horror is absolutely correct IMO). For the first time in my life I AM SEEING CLEARLY and even though I realize how pervasive this is I am not afraid. Its everywhere!! I confronted my abusers with a witness and its made all the difference in the world.(my underlying anger and rage was justified and normal and I let it out in a safe way). They won't ever have the power they once had and when I took my power back these "loving people" showed me what they're really made of. They denied a lot but I know the truth, and finally I was allowed to see their lack of empathy, remorse and love. They are emotional vampires who used me, the weaker I became the more pronounced the abuse and I protected them more and more. Now the food supply is gone I see what I faced as an infant/small child and its scarier than any horror movie. (it makes absolute sense those peoples attractions to horror movies). Your work has been a part of my recovery, this website has been a helping and enlightened witness and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are a brave and perceptive woman and there are others doing for themselves what you have done. The things you write here and in your books are really true and I couldn't understand until I saw it for myself (with the help of my wonderful therapist who I sometimes doubted). Anyway thanks again and I wish you the best. live in peace.
AM: Everything you write sounds true; now you KNOW where you have been all the time without knowing it. You can't loose this knowledge and it will save you. The Virginia Tech story is a flight from the own history with the help of drugs. They only help to flee and not to see. I am so glad for you that you dared to feel.