Alice Miller, child abuse and mistreatment

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It would be interesting to know
Tuesday January 23, 2007

Dear Alice,

I am writing to you again because I was reading, as usually I do, your website and have been very surprise of your observation given to a letter of 20 January written of a woman of 25 years:

"AM: It is rather unusual that a person of your age is ready to confront herself with the tragic story of her childhood. . ."

Can you explain, please, on the website why it's more difficult for the young than for adults to confront themselves with the past? It should be very interesting for me to know it. I was always convinced that if I should have the possibility to know your books when I was young and not 40 years old I should recover more quickly and did not sufferer a hell. It means that we must suffer a hell before we are able to start to understand things??

I hope, you will have time to explain it to me and others who read your website. I see many young persons around me , women and men in depression or those who continue to be manipulated by theirs parents and feel bad, but they are unable to say stop.

Thanks you again for existing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and for dedicating your time for all of us who write to you because have problems or like me who read your web site nearly every day and wrote to you to feel that somewhere are others who think like me and so I do not feel alone.

Best regards, S. G.

AM: I can understand well why you question my statement, and I agree with you that it would be better, if we could learn to feel and understand the tragedy of our childhood earlier, at least before we have children. But many people of a younger age are still dependent on their parents, also financially, and they are less motivated to confront them. They may suffer from lies, but they usually hope that everything will be okay once they have their own family, a partner and children. The awakening that the illusions don't work because the repressed and thus unresolved memory of their cruel childhood is still in their body comes later. Then the time has come when it becomes essential to confront ourselves with our truth essential for our health, even for our life, if we don't want to fool ourselves by taking antidepressants or choosing beliefs (religious, political or sectarian) that help to maintain our illusions. This is not a rule, of course, as you see, there are still exceptions, but young people sometimes write here very enraged about the manipulations of their parents, they feel suffocated, but live still with the parents who daily make them suffer, and don't dare to move. In most cases, they are too afraid to see the truth and to take their feelings (THEMSELVES) seriously. As children, they had to learn to never take their feelings seriously, rather to say: it is okay.

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