Sunday December 24, 2006
In the midst of one a many therapies in my life, after a little over a dozen sessions with this particular therapist, I go in and out of paranoia about him. This could be due to the transference onto my therapist (of people I could not trust in my infancy), a defense mechanism and not be true in the present time, or it could be myself, now, feeling/knowing I'm being taken advantage of. How do I develop the capacity to know what is really going on in present time for myself, without needing the therapist to clarify that for me, as that draws me back into the trap" of trusting him. Do you see the vicious circle here? I cannot trust him to reassure me. Or should I and risk being "taken in", taken for a ride, once again? I cannot help but see everything he says in two ways: face value and underlying meanings.
Thanks for your insight, M.
AM: Trust your feelings and your thoughts. Take them seriously. It happens quite often that people who read my books don't feel understood by therapists who are scared by the issue of childhood. You are free to ask questions and to test the received answers. The child was afraid of punishment, when she had doubts, the adult has the right to question EVERYTHING without being punished. Your doubts may be very essential, very important messages. Listen to them. They have nothing to do with paranoia.